Sunday, November 9, 2014

Soup Stories: short-short pieces on a theme


As a child in Kasauli, the hill station where my Army physician father was posted, an evening without soup was unheard of. Our cook, who had served in many Anglo Indian homes, had his own ideas of what any soup should include. We alternated between his versions of mulligatawny, Scotch broth, and just a plain chicken or tomato soup, with crunchy croutons. He was a culinary magician, producing a fantastic-tasting concoction every night. Much as my mother tried to get him to reveal his soups' ingredients the curmudgeon would say "it is a secret, Memsahib, just enjoy, don’t ask.”
- Angelee Deodhar  

A harsh wind shakes the chestnut trees. Suddenly there is someone at the gate, holding a bunch of chrysanthemums. On this rainy November evening we share a warm dinner, blush, watch a game of shadows. Basil, ginger, coriander — through steamy soup, my questioning eyes: will there be a ring in the spoon?
- Anisoara Iordache

On Monday, my cupboards are bare, and pay day is not for a while. Suddenly, it is not so hard to imagine myself queuing at the local soup kitchen. I call my Aunty who makes pots of nourishing vegetable soup. She agrees to cook me a pot in exchange for a poem. When I arrive at her villa she serves me a bowl of steaming vegetable soup. I look for the chunks of beef and vegetables floating inside the bowl, and start to eat. When I finish, she lifts the pot, still half-full, into the front seat of my cart.  
- Anne Curran 

It's the 1950's. Sunday evening supper at boarding school. Homesickness time.The matron ladles out soup. Color-of-mud soup, thin, with unidentifiable "things" floating in it. I take a sip. The soup is lukewarm, tasteless. The sadness in my throat prevents me from asking for the salt. There is one piece of bread, an apple, a glass of water, for us each, taken in silence. The meal over, we rise and clear the table, go to evening prayers. Then upstairs to a cold dormitory where listening ears catch even the quietest crying.
- Antonia Matthew 

Bruno was an incredible cross, perhaps between a Doberman and a dachshund. He quickly endeared himself to all of us, but as the years passed the children paid less attention to him and he developed a habit of straying out of the house. Soon he was infected with a virus, and came close to death. He stopped eating and was hardly stirring. As a last ditch effort I poured chicken soup in his bowl and began feeding him with a spoon. Miraculously, he recovered. Bruno lived to the age of fourteen and his favourite chicken soup remained a staple of his diet.
- Arvinder Kaur  

Pungent vapors of fresh snipped thyme rise from my hands. I carry the twigs into the kitchen where the savory scent of celery, onions, garlic, carrots, green beans, and sweet peas permeate the room — steam rising from the kettle. Adding tomatoes, broth, chickpeas, cannellini beans, salt, pepper, a splash of tamari, and thyme into the soup pot, stirring — smelling — tasting, I notice the confetti of vegetables swirling around the spoon, recalling the early morning harvest, the months of garden labor. Gratitude. Bubble. Simmer. Ahh . . . soup that fuels the famished and soothes the soul. Every time. Best Vegetable Soup. Slurp. Mmm.
- Barbara Brazill

Sofia and her Aunt Sophie always made soup together. Aunt Sophie told Sophia stories of crossing the German border with her brothers and young cousins. It was cold, we had little to eat, I could stretch it by making soup. Soup always saves the day, Aunt Sophie said. She never used recipes, instead she would go to her pantry and pull out whatever she had. She would chop and simmer, the result was always delicious. If you know how to make soup, you will never be hungry. Every November on Aunt Sophie's birthday, Sofia makes soup. The memories are delicious.  
- Barbara Kane Lewis 

At the end of Second World War, a roux soup was a main course in our family. In an old pan, coated with fat from bacon rind, our mother browned some flour. Then she poured in boiling water and added some salt. A dozen open mouths, large hungry eyes, and outstretched arms holding plates waited for this. Roux soup  — three times a day. An added handful of chopped nettles converted the soup into a chowder. Including two scrambled eggs made it a meal fit for a holiday feast!
- Bozidar Skobic

The beef bones for soup had to have marrow. Covered with water, they simmered for hours in her WearEver pot. Soon, hard white lima beans were added, dried mushrooms, then pearl barley. In late afternoon, she called me into the narrow kitchen steamy with aromas from the thick, creamy soup.  She carefully gave me a secret snack, not letting go until I held it so it wouldn’t drop to the floor. Buttery, beefy marrow, spread thinly on a quarter piece of fresh Jewish rye. I didn’t know about cholesterol or animal rights, just my mother’s love, and it was delicious.
- Carol Miller  

This week I went to a small potluck dinner. I made a hearty soup of butternut squash, kale and chickpeas. The other guests brought sautéed butternut squash, kale salad and rice pilaf with chickpeas. It was all good, but aren’t there any other foods available in November?
- Deirdre Silverman

My demented mother, of Bohemian descent, often asked me to cook Prdelovu Polyvku for her: bum's soup. I had no idea what that was, and tried several varieties of creamy soups. They ended sadly. Her cousin explained — it was a water that remained after cooking homemade dumplings, with pepper and basil. I cooked the dumplings for my mother and served the soup. My grandchildren loved it but Mother said it tasted like it washed off the French hills! I called her cousin who told me that was my grandfather's description of clear chicken soup.
- Djurdja Vukelic Rozic 

I was in San Francisco's Chinatown when I  discovered an exotic dish: soup served in coconut shells. Later, I found this recipe for Shrimp in Coconut Broth. I cook it on holidays. Sprinkle cleaned shrimp with olive oil and red chili pepper. Chop bell pepper, ginger root, and garlic; fry in olive oil. Add a pinch of curry. Add chicken stock, coconut milk, chopped boiled potato, lemon grass. Add shrimp and cook a few minutes. Serve with chopped green onions, cilantro, lime and croutons.
- Elena Malec 

For those familiar with Myers-Briggs types, you know that the perfect example of an ENFP* is that you never ask them for the recipe for the soup. (It’s different every time.) I was born in Boston. I know clam chowder. Can’t we name that red tomato/vegetable soup from Manhattan something other than clam chowder?
*ENFP — Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception
- Gale Owen

When he was in second grade my son wrote up this recipe for Stone Soup: meet browned we'll win onios, carrots, potatoes, beets, tomato juice, any vegetables, simmer all, add stone before serving! Every time I make any variety of soup I think of this.
- Grace Celeste

It was a bitter cold day in January. For dinner, I decided to serve chicken gumbo soup, French bread, a tossed salad and wine. After simmering for a few hours, the pot was overflowing and I decided to drain off some extra broth. A strainer was placed in the sink. I took hold of the pot, lost my grip, and the pot turned completely over. All the broth went down the drain. I stared into the sink and cried: "Oh, no, what have I done? My broth is gone." 
- Isabella Loverro  

No passing the Round House on the not-walk down Don Gaspar. No pause above the dried up river. No piñon roiling fire behind no ancient hearth to greet me. Wood, leather and brick are gone. There are no exposed beams in the ceiling of my soup. No tin dishes on which to place my bowl. I find the quality of my tortilla lacking. Peering into my half-hearted pot: only onion, corn, tinned green chile, stock, and cream. An ordinary potato. And a dash from the little remaining red chile powder Mrs. Trujillo placed into my palm before we left. 
- JenMarie Macdonald  

Start with chicken stock, fresh tomato, fresher zucchini, and freshest ginger root. Just the inside of the ginger, no rough edges. No onion, no garlic, but a splash of soy sauce. The kitchen fills with the aroma of Ginger Soup Supreme. It was a wonderful soup, very memorable, wish I could have some now. 
- Joan McNerney 

Our traditional Sunday dinner is soup and buns. Before the children had grown and left I used to take all the leftovers out of the fridge, dump them in the blender, add water if necessary, and whirr-r-r-r-r. The soup was always different, loved by adults, not by children. Nowadays, with just two at home, I make soup from scratch. I miss Blender Soup.
- Joanna M. Weston 

Autumn soup from Trumansburg, New York: cut butternut squash into 1.5 inch cubes; cut sweet potatoes into similar cubes; sprinkle ground ginger and ground cumin on the squash and potatoes; sauté cut up onions until golden, then add the potatoes and squash, plus a cup of water; cover and cook until tender but not mushy; add a touch of cream; blend for about 2 seconds.
- June Wolfman  

It was a family soup. My Maltese grandmother was the head of cabbage. She hardly cooked anymore but left her rocker for this. She insisted on a hambone. The soup was "minestra." No pasta needed. Simmer gold onions, olive oil, chunks of pumpkin, squash, garlic, oregano, salt, pepper, parsley and thyme. Better the day after. My father was a fava, mother a cauliflower, the kids red beans. I was grated parmesan stirring it up at the end. If you're vegetarian don't tell Nana, just leave out the ham. Add a little more of me, sprinkled fresh in each bowl.
- Kath Abela Wilson

December 24, 1978. Babcia, in her daughter-in-law's kitchen, cooking the mushroom soup, instructing her daughter-in-law through the process as though her son's wife had never cooked before. The recipe had become simpler over the decades, now only water, flour, and three dried mushrooms. The mushrooms — from a Polish forest — were a gift from her cousin when he visited the U. S. many years before. The well-traveled box, containing a dwindling number of treasured mushrooms, was brought by Babcia from her apartment, just for this special evening. As they ate Babcia began telling stories of her childhood and the voyage to Ellis Island so long ago. 
- Lee Wagner 

When did I discover the indispensability of celeriac in soup? Cream of broccoli, potato leek, butternut squash, minestrone, whatever is found in the door of the fridge — it matters not. The foul-looking celeriac root goes far in making every soup more tasty. If one were to choose the vegetable on visual appeal alone it would never get touched. But once the knobby, hairy layers have been cut off, the inner flesh is firm, white, tender. Cubed and sautéed with yellow onion it will turn an average soup into something wonderful. 
- Marcy Little 

Soup is the original comfort food, the aromatic aphrodisiac that draws everyone into the kitchen. It can heal you of all that ails you. But when I'm doing the cooking, I keep adding more fresh vegetables, more tender beef or chicken, another bottle of expensive dark beer, plus whatever else begs to be included. So once again, I fail to make soup. When all is robustly simmered together, it inevitably becomes stew. Also four letters in length, but heavier in the spelling somehow, and definitely heartier in the eating. Delicious any way you spell it.
- Martha Blue Waters 

I cut one leek and sauté it as I was once a hippie. Cut carrots the way my first husband did with a Zen knife. Add parsnips because my daughter is grown and a turnip because my second husband works for a farmer’s market. Potatoes for my Yiddish speaking grandparents. A bullion cube because we once made soup in a writing class—surprisingly delicious—a French student had secretly slipped in bullion. Bring to a boil, cover and simmer. Yellow leaves on the apricot tree fall, frost on the windshield, I bring in the last basil plant, and you return to me.
- Miriam Sagan  

A towering mentor, ill several years, succumbs. His tiny selfless wife adjusts slowly.  She begins to shrink, mind much faster than body. I remember her having treated my grief thirty years earlier by wordless doorstep gifts of soup & bread. I start making soups. The sliver of brain now remaining to her says only, Oh! those soups!
- Nancy Gabriel 

It rained all day today. Out in the rain I got soaked to the bone. Came into the house and thought about a cup of tea. But, finally, it was a simple Vegetable Broth that warmed my soul. Focusing all my attention on the breath escaping my bowl, I see. It's very Zen.
- Pat Geyer

Vegetable beef soup like Mom’s. It’s part of me, it’s Ohio, it’s Irish. I usually make six quarts, a lot — it’s frugal, reliable and comforting, but not very exciting. But one January day, I thought I’d cool it on my snow-covered deck. Got the soup to the closed back door, set it down — where the pot blackened a perfect circle into my green carpet. Might have been a lesson there — lefty loosey, righty tighty, think twice, measure once, one of those. But I just bought a doormat to cover the charred imprint, happy to be a multi-tasker, the first in my crowd to burn her carpet making soup.
- Peggy Adams

Soup awaits us — hot as boiling blood through the veins. Steam envelops us, tempting us, luring us, preparing us for a perfect evening together. And hot lips taste, teasing, delight, reminiscent of the foamy sea salt in midsummer; of the passion and the heat of the fireplace when the wind blows out. Or of a stormy winter frost that freezes everything under the white and fluffy snow. Good soup, bringing the heat of the holidays into the house, where we are surrounded by loved ones. These delicious aromas wink at us, making us think about childhood.
- Petruta Ionescu  

Winter is really roaring on the day that I turn into soup. We sit in the car, but Joseph isn’t shivering. When we begin to drive, Joseph spills negativity. He says I’m too watery, that I don’t heat the wintery days. I have always found Joseph to be attractive before this event. Today his nose curls up like a ladle. His eyes are round and rude, like empty soup bowls. Joseph tells me I burn his tongue and throat. He says I could use more garlic. You’re too chunky, he says, if you were only smoother, just a bit smoother. 
- Raina Wellman  

Start with onions and garlic, for no evil can come of these two earth dwellers. Don't forget potatoes, celery, peppers, and carrots. Beans: black, kidney, garbanzo — yes, garbanzo beans — they have a stick-to-itiveness that has been known to sustain one through an afternoon of chores or, at the least, until the next meal. Season to taste with Cajun spices. Just the way foreplay is an essential ingredient to a lovemaking session, the aroma of soup permeating the house will prepare your mind, body, and spirit for a truly heart-warming meal . . . with sharing.
- Rob Sullivan

My Saturday chicken gizzard soup? The family loved it. I would cut the gizzards into small pieces, a few onions, some rice and spices and 2 cans of 16 ounce beer. Cooked until super tender, you have to because gizzards are as hard as cement. One weekend I cooked the soup at home and we took the kettle on our camping trip, keeping the soup in the car with open windows. Well, soon there were 5 raccoons stretched against the car windows, heads held high, sniffing. It turns out they loved my soup too!
- Robert Henry Poulin 

We skipped school and drove across the river to Woodstock: Kate, Jackie, and I, still fast friends in 1969. We drove into town and parked. We walked around, wandering into boutiques, art galleries, head shops. The sun came out and the clouds went away. Kate took off her shoes. And then we were suddenly very hungry. We found a little cafe with a sign in the window — "soup of the day: split pea." We had enough money for 2 bowls. We shared and giggled as we ate.
- Sara Robbins

Years ago when I worked at Farmers Market we decided to make stone soup to keep warm and celebrate the season ending. We suspended two pots over a fire and asked for contributions. There was a great variety of fresh vegetables and one pot got a chicken, too. All the vendors came and got soup. Of course not everyone makes edible things — one person who wanted to contribute offered me a pair of socks. I tried to decline but she insisted. I suppose it's not far off, soup and socks are both things that keep you warm.
- Scott McCasland-Bodenstein

We entered the room together. I was hungry. "There is no light here," I said. "I have no bread," she said. We ate soup made of darkness.
- S.Eta Grubesic 

Dusk falls lightly this November evening. I add more chopped carrots, onions to the simmering beef brew as he drives the last leg home. A familiar ritual, but I still hold my breath. I recall a fall night, our first date, carefree and shiny; his jacket smelled of wood smoke, my mascara was a tad too heavy. A short drive to the local diner. We slid into a small booth, both ordered chili — how it rouged ready lips. Bright headlights sweep the bay window's corner, the screen door's latch clicks, that smile. And he's home; yes, he's home.
- Theresa A. Cancro

Trudging up the stairs, the landing light flickers the same distress signal. Closing the door, the latch clicks wearily. I check the fridge, then the cupboards, no sign of last night's curry, enjoyed while watching some documentary about the war again. On the shelf, a lonely tin of lentil soup, ignored for good reason. I can hardly be bothered to open it, but the rusting tin opener does its work. Ping, shouts the microwave. Another single man's feast with hardened bread ready. It's been three years since the divorce. I hate lentil soup.  
- Tim Gardiner 

As the soup cools off the vapors take me back to my childhood and I can see my granny sitting in the kitchen with me. The flash pot on the stove fizzes, telling stories in a language I can only feel. There is a sense of coziness and security. My granny holds a book in her knotted hands. I have just started reading and peering at the cover of the book I am able to make out the title: Chicken Soup for the Soul. "What is a soul, Granny?" I ask her.
- Vessislava Savova 

Borscht, made with beets the color of wine, with sour cream, potato, and a hard boiled egg. Hot in the winter, cold in the summer, sweet as candy with  an edge. Curried split pea soup, green as grass, with carrots and sweet potatoes diced up small. Spice up your insides, spice up your day, warm up November as the days get short. Matzoh ball soup, chicken noodle soup, knedeleh, dumplings fill a Jewish hunger, fill a tradition, fill a deep need. Yesterday my mother would have been 101 years old.
- Yvonne Fisher 

My father loved his mother's cooking, especially her kreplach soup — flour-ball dumplings swimming around in yellow broth, with chunks of schmaltz (chicken fat) floating here and there. My mother was less impressed. "They're like lethal weapons," she'd say. "If you threw your mother's kreplach at someone's head you'd knock them out. Poof. They're dead." This conversation, always the same, before we head out the door and make our way around the corner for yet another fraught holiday dinner.
- Zee Zahava

Monday, October 13, 2014

2 Lists, by Margaret Dennis


NOTE: Lost Paper is usually devoted to collective lists with numerous contributors. But this time I would like to share 2 lists with you, both written by Margaret Dennis, because I think they are so much fun! I hope you will be encouraged & inspired to think of a theme — any theme — and create your own list(s). If you want to share them with me I would be happy to read them.
zee@twcny.rr.com

25 circumstances that are necessary for survival:

1. bring a flashlight

2. never go alone

3. pack chewing gum

4. take all the books by Charles Dickens (never mind if you've read them before)

5. don't forget paper and pencil

6. bring money — lots

7. coffee, coffee, coffee

8. wrap up in a warm fuzzy blanket, preferably blue

9. get near a body of water — doesn't matter what kind: lake, stream, ocean

10. memorize a long poem

11. remember to laugh

12. pack a telescope to look at the stars

13. wear boots, specifically cowboy boots

14. bring pictures of family

15. include a big shaggy dog or two

16. pack tons of boxes of popcorn, already popped

17. take lots of different colored socks to amuse yourself

18. include a jackknife for cutting down tree branches

19. don't forget a box of matches

20. pack marshmallows — the big ones that will fit on a stick

21. bring some drawings by children 

22. pack your own box of crayons

23. include a radio

24. pack some hand-knit mittens with no fingers

25. dwell on sweet, sweet memories


25 words that appeal to me:

cashmere
moot
indefatigable
knucklehead
litmus 
forte (not fortay)
quintessential
vertigo
litigious
brillig
altruistic 
sleuth
happenstance
grace
galoshes
shroud
chum
bangle 
tender
argyle
sensuous
pristine
imperious
soothe
bauble




Sunday, September 7, 2014

The "I" list


62 people have contributed to this "I" list, creating a word mosaic where one person's reality melts into someone else's. You can can consider this list a glimpse into a collective consciousness that exists only in this place, at this time, illustrating some of the ways people chose to describe their lives and experiences. The line breaks are random, to make it easier to read. Start at the beginning and go all the way through to the end; or dip in and out. You might find points of familiarity and similarity; you might discover the unexpected.


I am here. I love writing "I" at the beginning of each sentence. I am so happy to be writing again. I adore my husband but I'd love him even more if he could dance. I need to do everything on my bucket list in this decade between 70 and 80. I spent four days on Cape Cod with my three young grandchildren and it took a week to recover. I watched an adult cicada fall out of its chrysalis and plop on the hot sidewalk where it  fanned its wings. I was woken at 4 a.m. by the cat throwing up a fur ball and I thought, I don't care, and went back to sleep. I have to water one of the tomato plants everyday, even if it rains. I made a scrapbook for my mother's 90th birthday; on one page I superimposed a photograph of her face onto the bodies of Rockettes, because she always wanted to be one. I feel that my body is finally healing after a summer of recovery from surgery. I am reassured when some things stay the same. I believe shoes say a lot about a person. I would like to travel to outer space if it looks like the Italian countryside. I love to crochet scarves, thin ones, thick ones, long ones, short ones, bulky yarn, fine sock yarn, it all gets magically transformed in a few hours. I am just beginning to see myself as a person who deserves love. I think sometimes that I am more a bird than a person. I finished the summer by dancing in the streets. I understand what is not quite said. I remember what I tried so hard to forget. I am too old to live in the past. I wear bright red lipstick, just like my mother did all through my childhood.


I seem to laugh at myself with greater ease, now that I'm retired from my day job. I like to take on fake, unintelligible accents whenever I get unsolicited calls offering me deals I have no interest in, until the caller gets so frustrated that he or she finally hangs up on me. I don't know why, but odd numbers have always seemed more interesting to me than even ones. I am never restless or bored as long as I have a New York Times crossword puzzle, and a pen, in my pants pocket. I like to try to communicate with babies I've never met before by using only eye contact and spontaneous sign language. I am secretly hoping to begin again with a new identity. I am filled with compassion when I remember my father. I crave the timeless place of pulling at images and paint. I am a butterfly whisperer. I have a guardian angel. I tremble in the dark matter of my mind. I hunger for adventure. I  am grateful for my secret garden behind the gate. I woke this morning in a little hut by a pond and happily stepped out into the dewy grass to greet the sun. I watched leaves fluttering to the ground today and was secretly happy to think of fall coming. I love the wide open night sky. I dream of riding a rickety roller coaster that twists and drops deeply, taking its adventurous thrill-seekers backwards in time. I wake up with aching hip pain that dissolves away with every stretch, step, and smile. I wonder if worms get cold at night. I love to create something from nothing. I live alone and sometimes I feel lonely. I wish I could have more friends. I am loved. I look forward to news telling me, and the rest of us in The Netherlands, that we will not be at war with Russia in any foreseeable future. I am waiting as my husband dilly-dallies about taking our evening walk, a habit which I think we should cultivate. I am too small for my ego. I am enough for myself. I love to be by the water, any water: stream, pond, lake, ocean, or even just a swimming pool. I have only recently discovered how much I enjoy reading classic novels by female writers.


I am quite impressive. I have decided to grow old gracefully. I have learned that it is better to ask and be told no, than to never ask and wonder. I recall being overwhelmed with a passion for jazz when I was sixteen, and it has never left. I am partial to most warm colors in varying shades of peach, terracotta, apricot, turmeric. I plan to make autumn bookmarks soon, from leaves collected in Central Park. I was a child who often hid under my parents' grand piano which, early on, became my special, private place. I am almost seventy-three years old and arise for work at 5:30 a.m. every morning. I keep on waiting for friends to call. I think I have more in common with trees than people. I am awake to the beauty of flowers. I wish to walk away but I can’t. I collect rocks and have a room full of them where I write about my trips amid crystals in a rainbow of colors. I once drove across country, over 8,000 miles, alone — just to camp and pick up rocks. I grew up in Japan in the 1950s as a wile child spending most summer days outdoors from dawn to dark. I have a push-pull temper; I get mad and then I feel ashamed for having a bad temper. I need a lot of down time for an American; most Americans need very little, but I need a lot. I was introduced to new friends, by an old friend who knows me well, and he introduced me as a poet. I found out yesterday that my biological father had passed away on June 23, 2008. I am moving on, from "healing" to "living with gusto."


I feel centrally isolated; I miss my loved ones who live far away. I love to sit on the back porch and watch the birds at the feeder. I am on a journey of self-discovery. I'd really rather just bake something delicious. I long to have a quiet, peaceful mind. I laugh when I hear a rooster crow. I fear and welcome the future, in the same moment. I like the excitement of the unknown when traveling in foreign lands. I love August peaches on my cereal. I find myself losing things these days. I have been single for over 30 years. I have fallen in love with myself recently. I could have been a professional modern dancer. I work with dying people and it is sacred to me. I sometimes sing to my cat. I like long, hot, steaming baths with lavender bubbles. I ate a spinach salad yesterday, with apples, raisins, almonds, and cottage cheese. I am, and sometimes that is enough. I notice the tightness in my jaw, the heaviness of each breath. I don't always want to be public. I am a wit, I think, and I love to laugh, especially at my own jokes. I am an Aquarian, through and through. I used to be a barfly. I have always been very hard on myself and very critical. I raced triathlons for a decade. I cry in the shower. I know your footstep. I like the word Weltschmerz, a simple way to say “it’s a spectacular view through the black flies.” I met a new friend, we picked kale in the rain and ate breakfast in wet shoes. I sometimes pause and consider this is just a story, I can meet new characters or change the ending, life is funny like that. I got my motorcycle license this summer (because I am a really hot chic) and now I buzz around town on my orange scooter. I go down to the waterfront to visit with the great blue heron, to be with the ducks, and to watch the sun set. I once packed everything I needed into a backpack and  just walked away.


I am worried, wondering, hungry, hopeful. I fear being old. I could, perhaps; I can't be sure. I am thinking of her, and her, and her. I had a hamster when I was younger, who repeatedly escaped its cage, and one day it never returned. I feel disembodied sometimes, like a chicken without a head. I am tired of being tired. I must eat tomatoes every day, just to keep up with the garden. I celebrated my birthday last week, eating lobster with my wife and our friends. I am having difficulty finishing the detective story I started writing last month. I am a twin, a Gemini. I count dragonflies in the last days of summer, already wishing for next spring. I aim my camera to illustrate my dreams. I eat mango smothered in lime juice and chili powder then, soon, crave more. I expect nothing so I am never disappointed. I wish I could knit like my Grandma Jennie. I wonder how long it would take me to use a passport once I got one. I wonder how many good friends are left for me to make. I always wish for the mildest winter possible. I love the movies and although I'm not a film critic I do have opinions. I am a filmmaker with an about-to-be-completed documentary. I am always trying to "figure it out" even though I see the futility in that. I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about food. I am taking a leap of faith and coming into my own. I have two antique typewriters that I don't know what to do with but I refuse to get rid of them. 


I always told the truth, but nobody listened until I added lies. I have driven every car I’ve ever owned to the top speed indicated on the speedometer. I remember my hair slicked back into a DA, a pack of Lucky Strikes rolled up in my T-shirt sleeve, while singing bass with a Doo-wop group under a street lamp on a summer evening. I love the smell of fresh cut grass even when it makes me sneeze. I am disgustingly pooped. I tend wayward words and phrases back to the flock. I am an extrovert with a shy streak. I thrive behind a microphone. I am a recovering addict and it's a continuing process. I love rhythm and blues. I watch infomercials. I am packing my most precious possessions into three large rolling suitcases and moving to Cape Town, South Africa. I practice artificial patience. I get my support from female friends. I have a bad knee. I get most of my happiness from very small things. I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be; I really don't know what to do with my life. I hated my dad when I was teenager, but I love him unconditionally now that I'm an adult. I'm still in love with my gay ex-husband. I often think that I move like my mother and today, in my khaki cropped pants, I did. I still dream about waiting tables at the restaurant I worked at over 20 years ago. I wish I could run away and live in London under a pseudonym. 


I usually find it easy to be on my own but some times this past summer I felt lonely. I am wondering: how do I want to connect with the world? I realize there is joy in my life but I haven't always recognized it as being that. I am invisible. I count down under my breath, always ticking off the seconds. I can be the bad judge in robes when all seems hopeless and everyone culpable. I have forgotten how to spell. I am starting anew; I can feel the forces of life shifting and all becoming right as it should be. I struggle to write short ideas, in fact look at how I just keep adding words to this sentence one after the other because I don't want it to end. I am becoming comfortable with the idea that discomfort and conflict can be useful if I just pay attention. I would like to be retired already but hope it does't show in my work. I need a schedule, otherwise I get lost in time. I love the views in the valley I call home. I listen for the songs of stars. I have a "to read" pile of books that is tipping over. I lose myself in the sound of frogs and crickets. I plant purple carrots, red lettuce, yellow beets, and striped green tomatoes. I am in a long-term love/hate relationship; I enjoy it just a little too much. I brush my teeth in the shower because it just makes sense. I am old on the outside but younger on the inside. I don't mind being short but I hate having to hem nearly every garment. I find it unsettling, and also illuminating, to read my mother's diaries. I am a writer. I am generally happy but when I'm sad I just need to wallow. I remember being naked and joyful in the bathhouse in Tokyo with my women friends. 


I get it. I was bit by a preying mantis. I can't sleep without my cat at my shoulder. I keep learning that I don't know anything. I have gone months without being  here. I don't know who my mother was. I would like to sob and sob. I love going to the movies by myself, sitting in the back row so no one is behind me, and laughing or crying or hiding my eyes whenever I want. I am absolutely certain if I lost 20 pounds I would also write the great American novel, be able to make a perfect triple layer cake, learn to speak Spanish of maybe Arabic in less than a week, and my husband would surprise me with a gaudy diamond and ruby necklace I would never wear in Ithaca. I am scared of moths; I love seagulls. I enjoy a bowl of Lucky Charms on occasion. I am, sadly, my mother's daughter. I was no more than 7 years old, but I still remember moments of almost magical feelings in childhood's cave with a sharp smell of lilac inside. I wrote my name in every one of her books; this winter will not come again and no other will be like it. I still remember the gentle fall of acorns in the shadow, when I was playing in dew-laden grass with my dolls. I am a quiet believer of extraterrestrial life. I sometimes start reading aloud randomly mid-book; very, very softly if I'm in public. I love wearing buttons, but I hate buttoning them. I doubt I'll ever have enough flannel or oversized sweaters. I feel younger now than ever before. I like to make my mother laugh. I intended to grow a braid this summer but then I discovered that intention is not enough. I received posies and still-warm cherry tomatoes, picked from my friend's garden and left on my back steps, all through August. I am trying to cultivate the art of listening. I am not finished yet. 

Thank you to all these wonderful contributors:

Annie Wexler
Antonia Matthew
Barbara Brazill
Barbara Cartwright
Barbara Kane Lewis
Barbara Tate
Blue Waters
Carole Johnston
Carrie Stearns
Cora Yao
Donna DiCostanzo
Duke Ashdown
Ella Wagemakers
Ernesto P. Santiago
Gabrielle Vehar
Janet Klock
Joan Corr
Joan McNerney
Joann Grisetti
June Wolfman
Katherine May
Laura Rosenfeld
Lee Wagner
Linda Keeler
Lisa Schwartz
Liz Burns
Marcy Little
Margaret Dennis
Mary Hohlman
Maureen Sudlow
Melissa Hamilton
Meryl Young
Michael Schaff
Moira Lang
Molly Sutton
Pamela Goddard
Pat Geyer
Patrick Robbins
Paula Culver
Paula Peters Marra
Priscilla Walker
Rainbow Crow
Rob Sullivan
Rukmini Miller
Sara Robbins
Sharon K. Yntema
Sherron Brown
Siouxsie Easter
Sophia Krasnoff
Stacey Murphy
Sue Crowley
Sue Heavenrich
Sue Norvell
Sue Perlgut
Summer Killian
Susan Lesser
Susan Lytle
Sylvia Jennie Bailey
Tara Kane
Vibeke Laier
Yiwei Luo
Zee Zahava



Sunday, June 8, 2014

When I Was A Child: a collective list


77 people, from 5 different countries, began with the phrase "When I was a child," contributing to this collective list of early memories. Begin with the first line and read on to the last, or dip in and out willy-nilly. This word mosaic is divided into random sections to make it easier to read. We hope you enjoy it!

When I was a child I often snuck out of the house late at night so I could sleep for a while in my special cottonwood tree and watch the night sky; I was sent off to Bible camp every summer where I learned how to pretend to fit in by saying all the right words now and then; I loved to spend whole afternoons using my mother's outdoor clothesline as the structural form for my elaborate sculptures made of string, ribbon, rubber bands, old clothes, dandelions, wire, rope, leather, and anything pliable I could find in the garage. When I was a child I dug a big hole out by the backyard fence and held a solemn funeral to bury all the dumb dolls people kept giving me; I got a kick out of gluing a silver half dollar onto the sidewalk and then watching from the porch swing as people walking by the house tried to pick it up. When I was a child I escaped my mother's loud and angry moods by climbing into tall trees and hearing only the silence of the wind through the leaves; I always gave dead butterflies a proper burial; I spent a lot of time underwater in the ocean; I believed there was an underground palace beneath our driveway hill, accessible only from the dangerous gully next to it; I loved canned spaghetti. When I was a child I was neither seen nor heard; I thought anything was possible and so I tried to fly back to my real home, convinced I had been given to the wrong family; I had a great sense of humor; my grandfather was my best friend. When I was a child all I wanted to do was dance and every time the camera pointed at me that's just what I did. 

When I was a child my rubber band airplane landed in my friend's hair and had to be cut out close to the scalp; I wrote a fake love letter to my brother from the girl next door and he paid me back by pouring warm water in my upturned ear as I slept. When I was a child, I used to stand glued to my mother's leg, face upturned to the counter above, hoping for a handout as she shook hot homemade donuts in a brown paper bag filled with powdered sugar. When I was a child so great was my sense of not belonging, I called myself "the girl from Planet X." When I was a child Wednesdays were our day off from school and I often woke up to the sound of the lawn mower, followed by the fragrance of newly cut grass, and a feeling of jubilation. When I was a child we had a dog named Chi Square because my father was a statistician; I once went on a penny hike: you toss a penny when you get to a corner to see which direction you should take. When I was a child I played jacks, hopscotch, and jump rope for hours at a time; I was never bored. When  I was a child in the war we never left the house without our gas masks; I wasn't allowed to eat ice cream in the street; we built sandcastles on the beach for the tide to wash away.
When I was a child I used to write on walls. 

When I was a child I loved a boy who didn't love me back; I sat in my sandbox, surrounded by grasshoppers; I read poetry under the shade of a tree; I had a recurring nightmare about a staircase that kept disintegrating as I climbed it to safety. When I was a child I loved everyone. When I was a child and zip codes were first issued we were afraid we would not remember ours, so we made up a song about it and danced all around the house gyrating with our new hula hoops and we never forgot our zip code. When I was a child I would sometimes touch a stranger's fur coat while my mother shopped in Marshall Field's; my underwear had the days of the week printed on them; I turned cupcakes upside down, ate the cake, and saved the frosting to eat last. When I was a child I had to choose between braces and a pony, and got neither; my flying dreams were so real that I wasn't impressed; I was careful not to swallow my gum; magic was everywhere. I made hollyhock dolls, and burdock furniture for a doll house under the lilacs; I found the chug-a-rum of frogs in a nearby pond the most soothing of lullabies; I picked flowers and made paper baskets for May Day and hung them on neighbors’ door knobs; I knew I could be anything I wanted to be.

When I was a child I learned to see the world through my parents' eyes before I learned that I had eyes of my own; on summer mornings when it was already 90 degrees, the milkman would let me take a handful of ice from the back of his truck; my recurring nightmares were of giant pigs in the basement and dinosaurs across the street. When I was a child I thought people who lived in houses had it better than those of us in apartments, but then I learned that what we had was better, we had community; I did not know from Possibility. When I was a child I played with my paper dolls all afternoon. When I was a child my sister and I used to fight over which one of us would get the cat to sleep on our bed overnight; I could sing the little Italian lullaby my grandfather taught me, even though I didn't know what the words meant; I read every one of the Oz book, most of them twice. When I was a child my best friend and I would plan our route for Halloween trick or treating, going over a map of our neighborhood's twisty and sometimes dead-end streets, like generals planning a military assault. When I was a child I would plant seeds and then keep digging them up to see how they were growing. When I was a child I spent hours playing "restaurant" with my older brother, and even now we still dream of owning an actual restaurant together some day.

When I was a child my skirt caught on the top of a slide and ripped off as I slid down; my aunt taught me to weave little rugs for my doll house; I felt peaceful and free underwater and wished I could stay there forever; I felt safe when I heard the eerie sound of the fog horn warning boats to stay away from Execution Rocks. When I was a child I loved getting up on Sunday mornings, walking two blocks to the Sugar Bowl candy store, buying the four New York City newspapers, carrying them home, getting back into my pajamas and, with my sister, climbing into my parents' bed where we'd all read the papers, and I'd get first choice of comics as my reward. When I was a child I realized that I'd be 55 in the year 2000, and that was so old! When I was a child I loved my sister and we laughed and went fishing,and kept each other good company; I would wish upon the first star I sighted; I read Old Yeller and Lad, A Dog, and all the dog stories I could find in the library. When I was a child, age 5, from no thirst for learning, I implored my parents to enroll me in first grade at the one-room, 8 grade, one-teacher school, a mile from our home, because there was no kindergarten, and all my older friends were starting. When I was a child the ice cream truck fulfilled all my longings; I loved the moments before being called in at dusk, on magical hot summer evenings, with lightning bugs dancing all around. When I was a child, although not religious, I felt blessed walking under the magnolia tree; I was trusting; I loved the sensation of beach air in my lungs. 

When I was a child going to the library was my biggest treat; I was either reading or drawing every minute that I was not playing outside and sometimes I was reading or drawing when I was outside; I was just as solitary as I am now. When I was a child I would wake to the clip-clack of horses' hooves on our street — the milkman cometh; I would shovel coal into the building furnace; a sandwich would be mustard or ketchup and nothing else; my aunt gave me a Shirley Temple doll. When I was a child my sister and I would sneak out to the backyard early on summer mornings and skip around in a circle, barefoot and giggling. When I was a child I cast a shadow like my father's before me; I crossed an ocean I shouldn't have; a badminton racket was the perfect phantom guitar; fish were easier to befriend than rocks; my grandmother smelled of cheroots. When I was a child having to choose only one stuffed animal to take to bed caused me such heartbreak that I couldn't sleep; animals were my best friends; I got stomach aches whenever my mother left the house; my brother and I ate Milk-Bone dog biscuits in the middle of the night. 

When I was a child I gorged myself on wild strawberries and broke out in hives — big, red, strawberry-shaped patches all over my body; I rode my bike 22 miles to the library where I spent hours dreaming of a different life; I imagined that my father was an airplane pilot and I looked up at the sky trying to discern his face in the clouds. When I was a child my mother could whistle so loudly, my sister and I could hear her all the way to the end of the Hane's field; I could skip, hop, climb tall trees, tap dance, and dance ballroom dances with my childhood dance partners; I could spot 4-leaf clovers, catch frogs and snakes, and run all the way to Aunt Jackie's house if I wanted to; out of her 40 grandchildren, I was Grandma's favorite. When I was a child I tried to write a book before I knew how to read; I thought that one day I would just wake up as an adult. When I was a child I created a small island universe in the backyard and populated each island with a different species I collected, such as earthworms, ladybugs, elder beetles, and pincher bugs. When I was a child I did my homework up in the tree house; the universe was the size of my red ball; I was afraid of nothing; I believed my rabbit went back to the forest because I didn't want to imagine him in the oven. 

When I was a child I spent almost every weekend going to the beach with my mother and my sisters, while my dad played golf; I had curly, frizzy hair, wore glasses and braces, and kids made fun of me; books were my beautiful escape and I spent hours living inside their stories. When I was a child I had a Radio Flyer red wagon; I thought that if I wore PF Flyers sneakers I would be able to run faster; my mother pulled me on a sled for long walks through the snow. When I was a child I ate pink phlox blossoms because my cousin told me that the nectar would turn me into a beautiful fairy; I scared my cousin nearly to death by swinging a snake around and around my head. When I was a child I checked the temperature of the sizzling pancake griddle with my tongue; I waited hours for my mother to rescue me from a neighbor’s yard after I was stung by a bee; I showed him mine but he didn’t show me his; I'd sleep for hours in the shade of our backyard picnic table while the party carried on. When I was a child I got a Fudgsicle stuck to the roof of my mouth; I slept flat out in my bed so the witch in the closet wouldn't know I was there; I couldn't keep my socks up because my legs were so skinny; I wanted to be a nun in a leper colony.When I was a child the bayous would flood, sending ants spinning on lifeboat twigs down miniature white-water rapids in ditches.

When I was a child I'd go to the nearby river — a cold mountain river, swollen from rain — where I had found a quiet place that became my own private beach, known only to me; I climbed a hill to a spot where I could find wild strawberries. When I was a child, I wasn't. When I was a child I lied about how I broke my arm on the school playground; I wanted to be a third grade teacher; I didn't want to be dressed like my younger sister because we were not twins. When I was a child I had a leopard print corduroy jumper and red sandals buckles; I built a small house out of construction paper; I listened to bedtime stories and I got my own library card.When I was a child I climbed a rope ladder but never escaped; I knew you not, Anaphora. When I was a child everything I understood about honor came from professional wrestling; I always had to pee during hide and seek; I liked when the moon followed our car all the way home; I called grilled cheese "girl cheese." When I was a child I wore sneakers with Kermit the Frog's image on them and felt safe every time I touched his green nose; I had an imaginary family that lived in the wall and we had dinner together and there were tiny umbrellas in our drinks; I was paid to pick Japanese Beetles off grapes leaves (a penny per beetle); I was sent to my aunt’s for a summer and thought I could get home, like Dorothy, if I tapped my shoes together just right. When I was a child walking home from school an ambulance driver stopped and asked me directions to N. E. 21st Avenue, which was the street where I lived, and I ran all the way home to discover my mother was being carted off to the hospital. 

When I was a child I was certain I had read every book worth reading in the elementary school library after seven years of active borrowing; hula hoops, tricycles and red rubber balls were prized possessions at recess. When I was a child I played a trick on my neighbors: I tied black thread to their door knockers, hid behind the hedges, pulled the thread a few times, and then ran away. When I was a child I used to wake up at 6 a.m. on weekends so I could enjoy the quiet; I'd go sledding with my brother for hours on end; I'd sleep in my mother's room during thunderstorms; I hid my tears. When I was a child I gathered pollywogs from a pond and put them in my basement, where they grew up to be frogs; I made magical concoctions, imagining that I was the famous woman scientist, Madame Curie. When I was a child I was more frightened of the beetles and spiders in the underground air raid shelter than of the bombs and artillery shells outside; my little brother was sometimes given an orange to eat, but my older brother and I could only watch because he was young enough to have a green ration book and we were not. When I was a child I was a good girl; my lips chapped raw and my mittens got wet and cold and then froze; I pushed everything under the bed to clean the bedroom. 

When I was a child Coney Island was the place to be on hot summer days, and on really hot summer days we’d gather in the cool, dark, sandy space under the boardwalk waiting for the Good Humor man to walk by with his heavy insulated box of ice cream bars; a big family treat was going to Nathan’s for a hotdog and my dad always got what was called a barbecue sandwich, which had nothing at all to do with barbecue; I loved going to sleep-away camp where they let us kids do whatever we wanted for an hour each evening and I learned to fish. When I was a child I climbed sundry trees; I had a crush on Marilyn Monroe, Patty Duke, and Margaret Hamilton (who played the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz); I watched foreign movies on Sunday nights after my 10 relatives went to bed. When I was a child I cut my own hair twice — both times when my father was supposed to be watching me; I loved going to the dentist's office because of the cows he kept outside; I memorized a poem by Charles Towne, Around the Corner, and recited it to myself each morning; I spread lice to every single kid in my grade. When I was a child I was protected by crows and believed nothing could harm me; my friends and I would sit on the front stoop on Saturdays and wait for the mailman to bring us each a cookie; after a snow storm we slid down the streets by grabbing the rear bumper of a passing car; we made gun powder from a store-bought chemistry set. When I was a child I hid behind my mother's skirts and watched and listened; I had a crush on the TV character Circus Boy; I was forced to take ballet, tap dancing, and piano lessons — it never occurred to me that there were kids who wanted to take ballet, tap dancing, and piano lessons. 

When I was a child I hunkered down on our lush lawn, searching for four-leaf clovers; I dreamed of becoming a writer and I wanted to be Italian; my friend and I took turns reading passages from Rich Man, Poor Man under the oak tree, and then were scolded by my mother who had read our lips through the window, because the book was "dirty." When I was a child I loved camping, even though sometimes  I got poisson oak all over my body, once even so badly that my eyes wouldn’t open; I identified with the boy in The Red Balloon. When I was a child I tried to make perfume from lilac blossoms; I wore smocked dresses; I could play in the lake for hours; I learned to sail. When I was a child I knew everything. When I was a child the first movie I saw was Bambi; I had a playhouse that my dad built for me; I loved going to Grandma's house, and we would play games. When I was a child I spelled cricket as LIVE; I befriended strangers more unabashedly. When I was a child I wanted to be like Grizzly Adams so I would have the trust of all the forest creatures and always understand what they were saying; I was obsessed with the story of Robin Hood and wanted to be him, not Maid Marion, Robin Hood. When I was a child we taunted the cows in Mr. Miller's pasture until he let the bull out; my father seldom spoke; we were sometimes very very poor.


When I was a child I didn’t live in pain; I had nightmares about pots boiling over, sinks or bathtubs overflowing, and rains of oobleck; my brother and I had interests in common and things to talk about; I fantasized about living on an estate with an ocean beach, a lake, and a forest, never dreaming that I would one day do so as a national park ranger. When I was a child I was perpetually sniffly-nosed; climbing a tree was as natural to me as walking a sidewalk; I loved complicated "older" books, but I missed the color illustrations; Dad came home from the bakery with his clothes smelling like warm oatmeal bread. When I was a child I had my own bedroom, with pink floors, though that was not my choice; the neighborhood kids, and even kids from three blocks away, hung out on our front lawn talking, playing games, and feeling safe. When I was a child I wanted my mother to love me more; I thought my father was the best. When I was a child I knew all the words to every Debbie Gibson song; I never minded getting sent to my room; I loved how dark the classroom would become during a Florida storm; our driveway was an interstate for bikes and I ruled the road. When I was a child I thought if I slept on my back I could hear the "screeee" of falling bombs and catch them before they hit any of us. When I was a child my grandmother served Orange Crush soda in faceted Georgia Tumblers, and even though it dyed my tongue an alarming shade of orange I believed this was the best drink ever. When I was a child I lived on the grounds of a state mental hospital; the sound of a chain saw made me sad because it meant all the elm trees were being cut down; we had our own private phone line, which was unusual; I played with cap guns and liked the smell.

When I was a child, on a rainy afternoon, surrounded by old magazines, I discovered the joy of making paper cuttings, collages and paper doll clothes in all sorts of patterns and colors for my very best friends. When I was a child a whole fairy-tale world was found in my mother's books, especially when she told about the little girl Thumbelina saying Yes to the handsome prince, and all the flowers opened and out of each one came a little lady or a tiny lord. When I was a child I ate watercress sandwiches that were delivered to us by the Amish boy who lived down the road; I searched for, and worried about, the ghost in my grandmother's barn; I ran through the neighbor's field, flattening his wheat; I was proud of my "paint by numbers" artwork. When I was a child we used to visit Grandma and Grandpa in Delhi, New York and I packed all my nail polishes and Harlequin Romances to take along with me. When I was a child I loved the duality of pleasure and fear (of being caught) as I smoked cigarettes out my bedroom window. When I was a child the bees’ nest on the front porch was as big and frightening as Godzilla; it rained so hard the streets flooded and I walked barefoot, trying to catch worms with my toes; summer nights were lit up with thousands of fireflies; I lived in my body; my father played mariachi music on Sunday mornings. When I was a child I thought if I spoke very quickly then I was speaking Spanish, and if I spoke very slowly then it was French; every time I ran away from home my mother told me to come back by four o'clock and I always did; I had no sense of direction and no sense of humor; I avoided carbonated drinks because bubble scared me; I decided that my lucky number was six, for no special reason.



Thank you to all these wonderful contributors:
Alain Rodari
Alice Damp
Annie Wexler
Antonia Matthew
Archana Kapoor Nagpal
Barbara Cartwright
Barbara Kane Lewis
Barbara West
Blue Waters
Cady Fontana
Carol Bossard
Carol Edge
Chaya Spector
Christine L. Villa
Cornelia Rea
Dawn Kaplan
Debbie Allen
Deirdre Silverman
Diana Kreutzer
Ed Swayze
Eve Abrams
Gabrielle Vehar
Gary Edward Rith
Hallie Sawyers
Isabella Loverro
Jackie Andrews
Johannes S. H. Bjerg
Judy Cogan
Kathy May
Kaye Stone
Kimberly Bunker
Kitty Gifford
Lavana Kray
Linda Keeler
Lisa Schwartz 
Liz Burns
Louise Vignaux
Marcy Little
Margaret Dennis
Maria Tirenescu
Mary Carter Ginn
Mary Alice Peck
Mary Rehmann
Matt Kaplan
Maude Rith
Melissa Hamilton
Melissa Moffat
Meryl Young
Michael Schaff
Molly Sutton
Nancy Wells
Natalie Detert
Noemi Kraut
Pat Baker
Paula Culver
Peggy Haine
Peggy Miller
Rachel Frank
Rob Sullivan
Raymond Edwin
Sara Robbins
Sasha Paris
Saskya van Nouhuys
Sharon K. Yntema 
Sheila Dean
Sherron Brown
Shirley Elliott
Shloka Shankar
Stacey Murphy
Sue Crowley
Sue Norvell
Sue Perlgut
Summer Killian
Susan Lesser
Susanne Morgan
Vibeke Laier
Yvette Rubio
Zee Zahava