Did I ever tell you how much I love you
Did I ever tell you that I was an MCS Blue Devils basketball team cheerleader mascot when I was in 2nd grade and I wore a blue corduroy jumper with orange bloomer pants underneath (or maybe it was an orange jumper with blue bloomers) but anyway all I ever wanted to be was a cheerleader when I got old enough so I practiced and practiced and practiced and never made the squad ever
Did I ever tell you the tragic love story of my uncle named Jerry, whom I never met, and Orilee — his Juliet — who died together in a lovers' pact, leaving behind a village of broken hearts and each other's shoes; hers placed carefully inside his
Did I ever tell you about the bog behind our house that freezes over in winter, inviting us to step in and listen to the silence
Did I ever tell you that my favorite time of day is when I arrive home, start the fire, feed the cats, take my contacts out, dress in my pajamas, clip my hair high up on my head and sit down to sip some cinnamon tea
Did I ever tell you that even after six years of French classes I still can't conjugate any verbs
Did I ever tell you that I hoarded the green and red peppermint M&M's in my freezer because they were only sold during the Winter Holidays
Did I ever tell you that, traveling alone in Mexico, I spent one night sitting on my bed until dawn, with the light on, repelling cockroaches
Did I ever tell you that I took a freighter from Boston to Liverpool and that the engine broke down in an inlet off the Bay of Fundy and some fishermen took us scallop fishing and we ate scallops fresh from the ocean
Did I ever tell you about the morning I saw a fly cleaning his wings on the counter as the sun rose above the horizon
Did I ever tell you that when there is rain on the roof and I am reading, I will put my hat on
Did I ever tell you about the time I was talking to a woman at a bus stop and during our conversation we both realized we were at the wrong stop
Did I ever tell you about the time I kissed my wife good-bye in the hallway and her scent lingered there so I lingered there until it was gone and I was late for work
Did I ever tell you the story about when I was walking through the busy train station in Italy and my rainbow-colored underpants fell down to my ankles and I just carefully stepped out of them and kept walking, not looking back
Did I ever tell you that I lived in a cottage in the foothills of the Himalayan Mountains and every morning several frisky monkeys scurried across the tin roof sounding like tap dancers gone wild
Did I ever tell you that I once held hands with the Dalai Lama after he blessed my prayer beads
Did I ever tell you that I lived in a small seaside village in southern India on the Bay of Bengal and there was a chai vendor who looked exactly like Jimi Hendrix
Did I ever tell you that when I was 29 years old my beloved companion died in my arms
Did I ever tell you that I once worked in the Fisher Price factory making little people and testing the barn doors that said moo
Did I ever tell you I used to pretend I was a washing machine when I went to bed but the constant back and forth washing action kept me awake so I gave up and slept in my dirty clothes
Did I ever tell you I once password-protected some sensitive documents and then forgot the password so now my sensitive material is merely sedentary
Did I ever tell you a teacher I had convinced me that Volkswagen’s could fly
Did I ever tell you about the crush I had on Sal Mineo and the dialog I'd write (in my head) for our steamy love scenes
Did I ever tell you that I once bought a great sea tortoise in a Chinatown grocery store where he was being sold to make turtle soup; we named him Charles, and did not eat him, and in the spring we set him free at the seashore at Fire Island
Did I ever tell you I was 24 years old before I ever saw the ocean
Did I ever tell you that when I made costumes I was assigned to help Placido Domingo dress during a performance of Madame Butterfly
Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Mt. Rushmore and was disappointed because I thought it would be larger
Did I ever tell you when I was in 5th grade I won the Citywide Spelling Bee, then the next day purposely got a "D" on a spelling test because my friend made fun of me and told me I was just showing off
Did I ever tell you about the time my uncle was sent to the Federal Penitentiary for running moonshine and became the family embarrassment because he got caught
Did I ever tell you that you keep me going
Did I ever tell you about hearing the female cardinal chirping at the window feeder
Did I ever tell you the most embarrassing moment of my life, when I was four years old, at a party, and I hugged the navy-blue silk legs of a woman I thought was my mother
Did I ever tell you that I recite the Spanish alphabet as a meditation
Did I ever tell you that I sing when I'm nervous
Did I ever tell you he asked me not to tell you about his tattoo
Did I ever tell you that I've been doing my best to stay young all these years in the hope that we would meet someday and you would recognize me
Did I ever tell you I found a man lost in the woods and led him home
Did I ever tell you we had a milk machine on every corner; it cost 25 cents for a quart and you'd get 2 cents change
Did I ever tell you I met two of my birth sisters for the first time, as an adult, and we discovered that we laugh alike
Did I ever tell you about the time I made so much pasta I ended up eating it for a week
Did I ever tell you about the night my best friend and I were playing hide and seek at summer camp and we hid under a big grey blanket and, in the dark, a boy mistook the blanket for a boulder and he peed on it (on us!) but we never told anyone because we were so horrified by it all
Did I ever tell you that after my mother died my sister and I cleaned out her apartment and I brought home some paintings, tea cups, loads of family pictures, and a few of their bathroom towels, which remain hanging in my upstairs bathroom, even though they are old and frayed, to serve as a daily reminder
Did I ever tell you that when I was a young girl my favorite part of the day was sitting on my front stoop in Brookline, talking and laughing and singing with my closest friends
Did I ever tell you that I’m working up to a Thursday level in the New York Times crossword puzzle
Did I ever tell you that I go out at night and look up at the stars and talk to my mother
Did I ever tell you that I want to grow up and be Judge Judy
Did I ever tell you about that time in Patagonia, that night in Tucson, or why I moved to Quebec
Did I ever tell you how to log in to that account, and what his password is
Did I ever tell you I dreamed of becoming a stripper at night in Paris so that I could spend all day writing, and that the idea kept me up all night
Did I ever tell you about the shame that came over me the very first time I felt the swell of emotion that comes with a first kiss, when I was in 6th grade, and it was after school with Tommy and his glasses, and at just that moment our 6th grade teacher drover by
Did I ever tell you that I had 3 boyfriends at the same time the summer of my sophomore year in college
Did I ever tell you that on the fourth of July, when I was 10 years old, I found my mother in her bedroom, alive, but having overdosed on tranquilizers
Did I ever tell you that when I was 11 years old my father told me that he was not my real father, that our family friend was
Did I ever tell you that I am both terrified of, and sometimes secretly looking forward to, possibly dying young like my father
Did I ever tell you that in spite of it all, there are moments that being alive is the most exquisite thing in the world
Did I ever tell you about how my grandma played Bingo every week at the Senior Center and used dried olive pits, brought from her home, as markers
Did I ever tell you that while all the other girls were plastering their walls with pictures of pre-teen, heart-throbby boys, my bed was surrounded with magazine photos of every breed of dog I could find
Did I ever tell you that I knew how to be invisible in grade school
Did I ever tell you that the first time I kissed a boy I wanted him to be a girl
Did I ever tell you that dogs are easier than people
Did I ever tell you that I never put money into a parking meter and I never get a ticket
Did I ever tell you that I once shoplifted at Macy’s and was caught
Did I ever tell you that I accidentally put turpentine into a rice dish and didn’t tell anyone and we ate it
Did I ever tell you that I found a friend after 20 years of being out of touch and that we now email each other 3 or 4 times a day
Did I ever tell you I spent some hours with Bob Dylan in a South Carolina living room and did not realize it was he
Did I ever tell you about the time I saw a ghost — really really
Did I ever tell you that I forgave you long ago
Did I ever tell you how much I love snow but I don't tell anyone this, not even you
Did I ever tell you that my real parents were a unicorn and a frog
Did I ever tell you about my Greyhound Bus romance during a 12 hour ride from Boston to Buffalo
Did I ever tell you about my neighbor's St. Bernards who jumped through the dining room window
Did I ever tell you about the sailboat I sank because I forgot to pull up the centerboard after tying up to the float and the tide went out
Did I ever tell you about the busses I followed that led to your city, but none led me to you
Did I ever tell you that I know we can't grow old together but that I'm learning to grow without you
Did I ever tell you that when I was in 11th grade my first haiku was written on my way to school, in a school bus, then given to Sister Gerarda who submitted it to a journal where it was published in 1968
Did I ever tell you that I inherited my two club thumbs from my great-uncle Hamlet
Did I ever tell you that my Grandma Jennie would sit in front of the old Zenith, rest her eyes, fall asleep, and continue her knitting or crocheting in her sleep
Did I ever tell you I fell down drunk on a Cambridge street right in front of a police car
Did I ever tell you I was not a cookie-baking mom
Did I ever tell you that the first time I went to a laundromat I didn't know what to do and had to ask someone there to help me use the machines properly
Did I ever tell you that it took more than 70 years for me to finally understand that nothing ever happens by chance
Did I ever tell you that I quit Boy Scouts because of my fear of failure
Did I ever tell you about my mother's perfect posture
Did I ever tell you that I used to forge notes on my mother's stationery so I could skip school
Did I ever tell you about the water ballet class I took with my best friend, at the Y, when we were twelve
Did I ever tell you about the time my high school boyfriend told me he was gay and I said "me too" — meaning I was happy, jolly, carefree — but he meant something else
Did I ever tell you that I always sneeze twice in a row
Did I ever tell you my son was named after my cat
Did I ever tell you that a boy threatened to kill me on the school bus when I was 10 years old if I ever told anyone that I'd seen the knife he carried around
Did I ever tell you that I've had prophetic dreams
Did I ever tell you that we share the moon on lonely nights
Did I ever tell you that I love to look for orange salamanders in the woods after it rains
Did I ever tell you that your blue eyes turn me inside out
Did I ever tell you about the time I was traveling alone in England and was chased by a bull while hiking in the Cotswolds
Did I ever tell you how I finally screwed up the courage to vaguely flirt with a man in yoga class, a lovely old man, only to sadly discover that he seems to be functioning in slow motion after a stroke
Did I ever tell you how necessary it is, or has been, to always have at least one person in my life to whom I could tell anything, no matter how awful, knowing it would be understood and not simply judged
Did I ever tell you that we once lived next door to an older couple who were great neighbors, except that they got roaring drunk every Saturday night and got into shouting matches at full volume and every other word was a curse word
Did I ever tell you that since she died, I miss my sister-in-law far more than I ever thought I would
Did I ever tell you that I thought I hated downhill skiing until we drove past a mountain one day, I said "Let's go," we did, and I loved it
Did I ever tell you that I really believe I can write a book in just a day or so and that's why I haven't done it yet?
Did I ever tell you that I love when it rains all day in July
Did I ever tell you about how I wanted to become an airplane pilot after I learned that only 3% of commercial pilots are female?
Did I ever tell you about the time I hid upstairs in the closet because I forgot to get money from the drive-through teller to pay the paper boy and he was knocking on the front door for the third time in two days
Did I ever tell you I threw away that plaid shirt and those baggy jeans that made you look so not like you and I told you they were in the laundry and I'd get to them soon, but finally you did stop asking
Did I ever tell you about the time I dropped an entire bottle of Beefeater Gin on the sidewalk in front of the lions at the New York Public Library and when I looked back 3 guys were standing over the mess looking like they wanted straws, or maybe sponges
Did I ever tell you about the gown my mother crocheted from granny squares and all she wore under it was a black bra and black panties but she wasn't shy, she said you could see more flesh at the beach so why not at a bar mitzvah
Did I ever tell you about the shadow that stood at the head of my firstborn's bassinet
Did I ever tell you why my mother did not like me until I was in high school
Did I ever tell you about the time I gave a letter to Lily Tomlin inviting her to our commune in the 1970s
Did I ever tell you that I lost something precious and was beside myself after tearing my house apart and then I prayed to St. Anthony and immediately found the lost thing and I'm not even Catholic
Did I ever tell you about floating down the river on a raft and how lovely it was until I crashed into some rocks and fell in the water in a panic
Did I ever tell you about my time in New York City during the early years of the AIDS epidemic and what I experienced and was part of
Did I ever tell you I never forgot you but I am so happy that I didn't marry you
Did I ever tell you that I often wish to be like you but more often I'm glad that I'm not like you
Did I ever tell you I never liked your husband but pretended to agree that he's the best, only because you're my best friend
Did I ever tell you about the time I was in the peanut gallery on the Howdy Doody show and the studio lights were so bright they hurt my eyes so I pulled my skirt up over my face and when I got back home people in the neighborhood (adults and children) asked if I was the girl who showed her panties on TV
Did I ever tell about the epiphany I had on my way to work one morning and by the end of the day I had formally (though not yet legally) changed my name
Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to give my grandmother Emma Goldman's autobiography but she pushed the book right back at me, would not accept it, said "That woman thought she was such a sexy pot but she wasn't"
Did I ever tell you how hard it is to come up with things I've never told you
Thank you to all these wonderful contributors:
Anne Killian-Russo
Antonia Matthew
ayaz daryl nielsen
Barbara Brazill
Barbara Cartwright
Barbara Kane Lewis
Barbara Tate
Cady Fontana
Deirdre Silverman
Ella Wagemakers
Grace Celeste
Linda Pope
Liz Burns
Marcy Little
Maria Saccuccimorano
Mike Schaff
Miriam Frischer
Mo Owens
Nancy Gabriel
Nancy Osborn
Neha Goyal
Pat Geyer
Priscilla Walker
Ray Edwin
Rob Sullivan
Sara Robbins
Sharon K. Yntema
Stacey K. Payette
Sue Crowley
Sue Norvell
Summer Killian
Susan Lesser
Susan Sonnen
Xin Li
Yvonne Fisher
Zee Zahava
